tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-336419792024-03-19T08:56:02.730-04:00Looking for zenPost infertility, adoption, a health condition, and living the best life possibleUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger175125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33641979.post-77286656417775366162016-01-26T11:42:00.002-05:002016-01-26T11:42:15.001-05:00:-\Anxiety and depression both stink. I have been sliding out of it with the help of therapy and medication, but I cannnot control the sadness around me. This past weekend was the recent topper. Because of this big snow storm I opted to go with my husband, daughter, and dog to visit MIL all because she has a bladder infection and needed someone (my husband) to drive her to the hospital for her intravenous antibiotic. I debated, I could have stayed home but I didn't think I had the strength to do the daughter and the puppy on my own during a huge snow storm. My car is not snow friendly, so we would be house bound. What if a MS seizure reared its ugly head? Ok, it's been 6 years, but that still scares me. Anyway, we went to her house. I learned that she is quite the pack rat. There was so much junk in her house, every drawer was filled with something. And she lives in a small ranch house (BTW, it will be up to us to get rid of everything). I may complain about the split level we live in, but it is a huge house in comparison. Anyway, so she is was worried and anxious about getting the the hospital for her medication in the midst of this huge snow storm along with knowing she has a few more months to live, and my husband is depressed because his mother is dying. I have my own chronic illness and have been fighting off depression myself. \ <br />
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I did drive to my best friends house last week (high speed road), and then going home I had to 2 panic attacks so I had to pull over. Ugh! The therapist has suggested that I meditate in the car so I have positive associations in the car. I tend to have lack of control feelings in the car. I did do some internet searching a learned driving anxiety is not that odd. Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33641979.post-18065047931510985022016-01-13T18:57:00.000-05:002016-01-13T18:57:33.117-05:00This and ThatSo, school is back in session. I'm in love with our five month old puppy but she does need a little more training so I'm going to sign us up for a mommy and me training class. This dog is my little buddy, she follows me everywhere, I just need to get her to always respond. She wants to, just how to accomplish. I will guiltily admit we are an only child household and I got myself a puppy to feed that baby need. I love this dog, and yes, she if my baby as much as the 6 year old is. <br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33641979.post-86953001752038104552016-01-10T16:55:00.001-05:002016-01-10T16:55:10.653-05:00Winter break stunkChristmas was fine. Meal went off without too many hitches. I went to Christmas Eve service at a new to me church in the area with my parents. The church was great. It's a Lutheran Church and I was raised and confirmed in a Lutheran Church so it was very comfortable for me. My MIL was here and stayed over-night. She is not an easy guest. She observed me doing this thing...choosing to go to a new church. She was unable to go to any church because her health issues have been difficult. She was not producing healthy blood cells so she was at a high risk of getting sick. Also known as myodispasia (sp?). <br />
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She went home, and 2 days later went to the hospital for a bladder infection. She was in isolation, and if people visited they had to put hospital gowns and wear a face mask. We were worried she would not recover. My husband who is an only child was not pleasant to live with. Last week when I said I was going to church on Sunday at the Lutheran Church he asked if I was willing to try another Catholic church...the last one in the area we haven't checked out. <br />
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We have been married since 1999, got married in my Lutheran church with a priest also. I have no desire to convert. It is too strict, and judgmental. There are so many rules to follow. I keep thinking, ok the bible says same sex couples should not be married, but I don't agree. I am not gay, but it really bothers me that there are many restrictions for those who are. For example I tried that one church, it was a very devout christian church, the people were fantastic, they had a great Sunday school for kids, but when I learned they voted as a church to not allow same sex marriages to happen in their church I could not become a member and still live with myself. I didn't confront anyone and ask what they would do it it was their son or daughter who realized they were gay? Would they not want anything to do with that person? Would they love that person less? Would they think that person was going to Hell? I believe we are God and Jesus loves all of us, homosexual or not, that he loves us with all our imperfections and issues. Stepping off of my soap box.<br />
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Anyway, I've been going to a very liberal Lutheran Church. Happily making acquaintances and enjoying myself there. When my husband ask me if I would give the last Catholic Church in the area a try? Why is he asking, I wonder? He would show any interest in a church at this point. It was not until I finally decided to investigate and look into a church for myself. A church that I liked a lot. A church that reminded me of the church I grew up going to. So, I finally asked him if he would compromise. We would not join any church. We could do every other week, 1 and catholic (which I am not comfortable with as we have not able to find a low key Catholic Church) and 1 at Lutheran (which is much more low key and your child does not have to sit still, your kid is given crayons and stuff to color and there is a portion that is on the floor for kids). <br />
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So I am trying to come to terms with the fact that my MIL is influencing my husband even now since she saw me going to the Lutheran Church over Christmas. Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33641979.post-45617862841011556382015-12-20T19:38:00.001-05:002015-12-20T19:38:16.764-05:00The Holiday Menu...Trying Christmas Dinner together. My mom is making the SIL her vegetarian dish. My parents got a ham free from the grocery store and it's been in the freezer since November. It will be my parents, SIL, brother, MIL, me, husband, and daughter. A whopping 7 of us. 8 if you count the dog. So far I have ham, a sweet potato dish (will be trying it this week), string beans, a salad, rolls, we made chocolate chip cookies today, and will be doing butter cookies this week (dough is made). I have to come up with appetizers, and we have to figure out drinks. Sigh. I so did not want to host. I suggested we do out to dinner.<br />
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Oh, next door neighbors got another dog. Guess it was too much work to play and exercise their dog on their own so they got a second for the 2 too play together. Sigh...Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33641979.post-65509340115033713732015-12-19T11:49:00.002-05:002015-12-19T11:49:34.631-05:00looking for zen dammit ;-)I'll take a moment to gripe. Our puppy has decided it is so much fun to go under the next door neighbors chain link fence. I drive have to drive over to get her since it's around the corner and the yard is fenced, see the neighbor and their son in the car in the driveway. Sigh, not being discreet. Had to explain, the son and I walked into yard and Belle has gone under the fence again and out to our yard. Peachy. I drove back to our house and met her in the garage. <br />
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Now on other side they have a dog, named peanut butter. PB is always outside and he barks nonstop. PB has found a way out of their yard a number of times gone to our house, and the house across the street. My friend was out walking her dog and I ran into her, apparently she had called my neighbor (no clue how she got the phone number since neighbor won't give it out) saying that she had returned PB 3x. Neighbor apparently had blamed US for their dog escaping. Um, we didn't fence our yard for Peanut Butter. We fenced it for Josie. We thought it would be ok for Belle, but she is little and has figured out escape artist tricks. Are we blaming our neighbor? No. We are fixing the issue and will be making a trip to H.ome Depot for supplies today. <br />
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On the plus side I am done Christmas shopping. They're all wrapped, I wrapped at the Mom Matters meeting and disposed of the santa paper there :-) because the kid it to freaking smart. The santa items are locked in my car trunk. <br />
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I've decided to look for a church for myself as a way to make friends, remember all that I am blessed with, and because the MS seizures have not left me with much memory so I have to re-learn...I was a sunday school teacher in high school. I went to a christian church last week, the people were VERY nice and I liked the bible study then I learned that the congregation had taken vote against same sex marriage. I then left with mixed feelings. I am aware of the bible verses that against homosexuality, but at the same time your can find bible verses against so many things , you can spin or interpret the words however you would like. In my mind, it is more of a morale issue than religious. Basic and simply put God loves all of us and accepts us for who we are. I don't think of it only loving and accepting you if you're in love with and spending your life with someone of the opposite sex. I do not want to be believe in a god that is so cruel and mean...Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33641979.post-86273745294089304862015-11-17T19:15:00.001-05:002015-11-17T19:15:04.867-05:00Anxiety...Anxiety affects all of us differently. In my case I have always spoken at a rapid pace, but since life, MS, and a kid who is not a placid little one I have found that now I really speak FAST and more and more people were asking me to repeat what I said. Then my husband told me that not only was I speed talking, I was speaking at a very soft volume so no one could hear me. My mom stopped by for here weekly visit with a Mayo Clinic letter about soft talking being a MS symptom so I bit the bullet and went to see a speech pathologist on Monday. We are working on slowing my speech down so it will be more understandable. She asked me if it has always been a problem, and after thinking about it I realized I didn't have any speech issues when I was working since I had been an administrative assistant with receptionist responsibilities. So all I can assume is that I began having speech issues 6 years ago. Now I have speech therapy homework. <br />
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Today I had my 3rd appointment with the new psychiatrist. She put me on Effe.xor which reduced my anxiety A LOT. The tension headache left, I'm feeling more relaxed, no more panic attacks in the car. Downfall? It makes me feel sick to my stomach. Not all the time and I can't seem to pin-point exactly when and what I need to eat to not feel sick. So today she suggested I take it in the evening after dinner (on a full stomach) and if that doesn't help open the capsule and sprinkle the medication on food. So I have 4 weeks to try that and see what the results are. <br />
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She pointed out my lack of typical emotions when talking about my issues. I smile as I talk about negative upsetting things. Not sure what to make of that. I noticed that at meditation class. Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33641979.post-53763161906964982892015-11-15T16:44:00.001-05:002015-11-15T16:44:16.395-05:00The say the darndest things...The 6 year old had a talk w/MIL today. She asked her how she was doing and if her dog was less fat?Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33641979.post-45152650404929561332015-11-11T17:53:00.001-05:002015-11-11T17:53:28.105-05:00:-)Who else can I brag to? My husband got a promotion today! I am SO proud of him! <div>
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On another note, you have a simple simple recipe with ingredients you always have (or so you think). In this case sloppy joes for dinner. Brown the meat only to realize we are out of brown sugar and mustard. Things we always have ;-). Well maybe not always since we didn't have it and I just ordered pizza, we'll use that browned meat for sloppy Joes tomorrow. </div>
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The 6 year old went to her therapist today and the therapist said it was like a different child today, that she was so calm and focused, she shared what happened at school today, etc. Yup, she's not predictable.</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33641979.post-79377964459831978012015-11-11T14:44:00.001-05:002015-11-11T14:44:30.881-05:00Big news!We have a new little one in our house. No no, no, a puppy. She's beautiful! A black lab and something else mixed. A furry little energy machine that races around like crazy then crashes for a nap. She has a little white on her nose, her paws, and a diamondish shape on her chest so we named her Belle. <div>
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Now our human baby is doing really well at school. She loves her teacher! Her 504 plan meeting was scheduled and her teacher met with us right after. Her new teacher was very positive <b>UNLIKE</b> last years teacher who only pointed out negative things. At her kindergarten conference the teacher to my husband and I that based on her IEP from pre-school she wondered what kind of kid the district had given her then she went on to say that she turned out to be a wonderful girl to have in her class. What a way to give a backwards compliment? And the whole time we were in the conference we saw her looking at her laptop and over our heads at the clock...a back and forth eye pass. What a way to make parents feel as if you are counting the 15 minutes allotted for the conference. This years teacher, had a long talk with me when I dropped off juice boxes for the Halloween party and when she heard my husband had to take time off of work for the 504 meeting she offered to combine the conference so he wouldn't have to take time more time off.</div>
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However, the 6 year old munchkin who I have been raving about is very anti-homework after school. My husband is the homework intigator and she has SO much anger toward him, punching, hitting, and yelling so she is now seeing a therapist covered by our insurance. Works out since she's an art therapist. We shall see how it progresses. </div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33641979.post-6412568714121091262015-10-30T18:44:00.000-04:002015-10-30T18:44:35.269-04:00PuppyOk, so most have a second child. We decided there was no way we could afford another child, both mentally (opposition and ADD take it out of me) or financially (college has become very pricey) so we opted for a puppy. So now I'm a puppy parent and we are potty training. UGH! She is VERY sweet though. Everything I wished our previous dog had, except the previous dog was easy to potty train.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33641979.post-38845280837500727832015-10-21T19:21:00.001-04:002015-10-21T19:21:48.818-04:00Better, Better, Better...All is pretty quiet here. The Strong Willed Wonder and I are are on our own until Friday since airplane man is out of town (sigh). She thinks it is great. I'm just lonely. I'm a list for adopting a rescue and they called today about a 3 month old puppy who is half basset hound and half labrador. I called and spoke with the woman from the shelter and she told me about the dog who sounds great. She gave me the name of the woman at the foster home where the do is. I called and am waiting to hear back. I would really like to to meet the puppy while Lovey Girl is at school because if she is with me she'll get her hopes up. <br />
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My psych doctor wasn't answering his phone for about 4 weeks and as I feel into a deeper and deeper depression it was not cool. Finally someone answered, I went right over, and it turns our they had been having receptionist problems and he was in the hospital. Anyway, I switched doctors and yes, another panic attack hit as I drove there because I was stuck sitting at a traffic light that has an arrow. After talking with her for a while I realized it's not depression exactly, it's anxiety. I am SO anxious! Always anxious. So she did not switch my med, she just increased it and today is the first day that I did not have a tension headache AND as I type this its the first day in a while that I haven't clenched my teeth. <br />
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Maybe a bad mommy move? Not sure. Today was apple crunch day at the elementary school and I did not volunteer to peel and chop apples, instead I had a zentangle class at the library where I drew zentangle designs on a pumpkin which was pretty neat and took me into a different area since I've only drawn on paper. This is the sort of thing I did http://artzycreations.com/zentangle-pumpkins/. I saw one for sale on Etsy for 15.00 wow, I did it for free at the library. Anyway, I signed up for a Zentangle class last year because I wanted a hobby that wasn't reading and it was described as meditative and relaxing. Ok, I'm there, I have no artistic talent. Anyway, I was amazed after I did it. I love that you do not have to be an artist to do it. Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33641979.post-3452815278334882792015-10-08T18:39:00.000-04:002015-10-08T18:39:07.099-04:00gripingFeeling a bit (ok a lot) b*tchy. This is something that is p*ssing me off. My MIL has health condition where she isn't creating enough red blood cells (or it is it white?). Anyway, a number of years ago she had cancer, chemotherapy was the treatment for it and this is a side affect from that. She has been griping and complaining about her hemoglobin levels, being tired, out of breath, etc. Ok, she came here, went to a specialist at the huge teaching hospital I go to for my MS stuff and the doctor put her on a treatment. She is using the crummy hospital by her. I happened to see on the teaching hospitals website that the larger city nearby her is now part of this huge teaching hospital. I emailed her the link. I also emailed her the link from the American Cancer Society that talked about a program for driving to treatment appointments. She thanked me for my concern and said that she would stick with her local hospital. Which has NEVER treated someone with her post cancer health condition before. I have to let it go. I am finding it infuriating because it is 7 days of receiving a mild chemotherapy treatment, other meds, and 3 weeks off. She was griping about the side affects from the first week of the treatment. She went to the local hospital and stayed over night in the emergency room. I guess I am irked because she has the OPTION of going to the nearest city that is now part of this huge teaching hospital and she won't. Yet she will go to her local cancer center for the 7 day on 3 week off treatments, count on her neighbors to DRIVE her places and make a general PITA. Her response to me when I pointed out the nearby (1/2 hour drive) hospital was now part of the huge teaching hospital that gave her the treatment and there are drivers available through the cancer society. She responded to my email and said she would never expect us to take care of her and her current support system is fine. OK, well I admit husband and I have put our life on hold because of her. He hasn't applied to the WA plant for his job which is actually what he needs if he wants to move up. He won't leave the area because of her and he is an only child. She is very needy. Drives him and the strong willed wonder nuts. I pretty sure I'll be getting my monthly hellion next week and that is what has me not able to ignore. That and the fact that we're seeing her on Sunday and it will be difficult for me to not to say anything critical about the fact that she is willing to put a LOT of time into a treatment at low quality hospital when there is a better one available. Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33641979.post-36441325606190033852015-10-07T14:40:00.000-04:002015-10-07T14:40:16.086-04:00It's not all fun and games...Since 1st grade has started the 6 year old is one cranky girl. She seems to be able to hold everything together during the week, but weekends not so much. Weekends are for temper tantrums, showing us the strong willed side of her personality, being cranky, and pretty much just being a disagreeable person. For the past few weeks she wouldn't give my husband a hug or kiss, she would get mad if he was the one who met her as she got off the bus, she threw items at him and hit him. She wouldn't tell me why she was angry at daddy, but she certainly made it clear that she was. We were very concerned since she wouldn't talk to us about her feelings, she was being violent toward hubby, and has been doing a lot of self stimulation (rubs groin & she mentioned that she's done it at school too ignoring multiple talks about alone time). <div>
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Hubby and I talked about it. I suggested using the PA insurance we have to arrange for a mobile therapist, but he wanted to do private therapy for her so I just made an appointment for her with a group that is covered by our insurance. The website says there are people who work with children and specialize in ADHD and other behavioral issues. </div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33641979.post-4984827624968092162015-10-03T13:09:00.001-04:002015-10-03T13:09:51.129-04:00Rainy SaturdayJust checking in. Life is looking up for me. It's as if a switch has been flipped and I'm feeling better about my life. It's the strangest thing. My husband noticed my signature was much clearer the other day. I've decided to see a new psychiatrist and the appointment in in a few weeks. A few months ago I took a class called <a href="https://www.zentangle.com/">Zentangle </a>because I saw a sign in the library that said relieve stress through art. I have NO artistic talent, but I signed up at out local art center. It's pretty amazing. Go to the website, it looks so complicated but each stroke is simple. The Strong Willed Wonder can do it and she focuses! It's an amazing thing for ADHD kids and adults along with those of us who are stressed, anxious, etc.<br />
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We are in a mega-rain storm this weekend. There was talk about it being a tornado or something similar, but it has veered away from our area. So all that has happened it that I've gotten really wet and cold. Since the weather is so crummy I suggested to hubby that we make our own sauce and meatballs this weekend. The strong willed wonder will love to help mash up the tomatoes (canned) and she's quite the carbaholic so she's very happy to know we'll be eating pasta. We have pretty much eliminated carbs and eat a heck of a lot of seafood and poultry in our household. My mom says I'm looking good that the few pounds I've gained are a positive thing and she's not the first one to say that. I've gone from being much slimmer and am having a hard time not feeling overweight. I will say being over 40 does make it more difficult to keep excess weight off. Yup, I'm 41. I've had MS since 1999, am in no way disabled :-) although I do struggle with mood swings. As long as I stick to exercise I'm good to go. I joined a local ymca and they have WiFi which is cool so I can watch Netflix and such while I walk on the treadmill. <br />
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I am making friends so I'm proud of myself. Of course it leaves me thinking about us moving to a different house next year and I'll have to start all over again. I would love to live in a ranch house or a cape, IOW, a house where me live on one story. If we were to stay here husband doesn't think we can afford the taxes. So it'll be lower taxes, new friends, new school for the kidlet, new house. Exciting and scary.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33641979.post-29608354155719799822015-09-25T14:37:00.001-04:002015-09-25T14:37:17.302-04:00Umm....This week the Strong Willed Wonder told us she was glad her tummy mommy chose us to be her mommy and daddy. I gave her a big hug and said I was very lucky and blessed to be her mommy. <br />
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Then a few days later she came home from school so angry, and I suggested she punch a pillow so she went up to her room and my husband went with her. She punched and punched and flopped on the bed face down. Hubby asked if she felt better? Yes she did. Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33641979.post-56698956315215294502015-09-07T19:17:00.002-04:002015-09-07T19:17:26.072-04:00Life has a way of happening...TheTomorrow the strong willed wonder starts FIRST grade. OMG! She seems so little (although a growing machine) just not socially emotionally mature. I am nervous for her. I wish I could talk my husband into medication for her. I wish her 1st grade success! I wish that she was able to stay focused at the right times. <br />
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I've been mulling over looking for a job. Yes the money would be fantastic, but can I get one that is during school hours AND NOT weekends or holiday? Only 15/20 hours a week? It is hard to find one. I was considering the school cafeteria of the neighboring school district. The hours are perfect 9 to 1:30, no summer or holidays, BUT I have MS can I lift heavy platters of food? I can hardly lift the Strong Willed Wonder for a few seconds and she's 58 lbs. Then it occurred to me, ok, when you worked you were a senior administrative assistant for a law firm, you could be some sort of secretary for a school. Ok, the will the same hold true for holidays and summer? And if the work day is longer than her school day will whatever child care program I have to enroll her in negate any profit? So I mull and mull. Maybe running errands for elderly people? Groceries? Taking to doctor? Or would that involve some sort of expensive insurance. And when I do see a part-time job listed that is what I have in mind it's never close by (sigh). <br />
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On the positive side, we did the outside of our house for moving curb appeal this summer and it looks great. I have been de-cluttering and getting rid of stuff and liking our house a lot of more. Makes me realize living in a cluttered house is stressful. So I actually have stopped talking about moving since felt like it was all me. My husband the airplane man has actually been bringing it up more than I have been. I have also been making an effort to make friends. I've gone to the local pool as a guest with the Strong Willed Wonder and I've met a lot of nice people. Despite all the SWW gets along with pretty much all since she is so active she'll just go off and do her own thing. At a pool there are always energetic kids who are willing to play. That was what was so difficult about kindergarten. A 10 minute snack and no recess. She does best at a play ground where she can do physical things since she is so athletic and energetic. Now if only I could plug myself into her energy I would be set. <br />
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Anyway, I am nervous for her. Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33641979.post-78906229184501504832015-08-29T15:05:00.002-04:002015-08-29T15:05:45.023-04:00Camp MommyWhew! All camps have ended, and it has been the energy machine and I. School begins the day after labor day. One more week to go. This mom went to Targ.et today, got a cappucino and just sat alone. We've done the pool, and the pool, and the pool. We've done the movies, we've done arts and crafts. <br />
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And me? Depression just does not go away! I want to look forward to events, I want to be perky, and happy. I know my life is good. Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33641979.post-58310737091741805632015-08-20T17:30:00.000-04:002015-08-20T17:30:03.914-04:00Whew!The little one is at social skills camp. It's not that close and it's from 9-12. I guess I'm spoiled in that most of her outings are within a 15 minute drive. It's a group run by occupational therapists for any children who are "on the spectrum" and ADD and ADHD fall under that. She is getting better with interacting with other children and adults. One of her weaknesses is that she makes contributions that are not applicable to the discussion. <br />
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Now I'm back. Raining here so no pool. We went to the Minion movie and that is awaiting an academy award ;-). MIL is coming to night because her appointment at <a href="http://www.pennmedicine.org/hospital-university-pennsylvania/">HUP</a> is tomorrow. I can tell that she only gets mediocre care at the hospital she goes to based on her comments to us. She gleefully called to tell us the doctors office called her this week to confirm her appointment. Um, yes, I guess the doctors she visits don't do that. <br />
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We got a lot of stuff done to the house and it looks great! We had the house and the wood fence in the yard (for dog who has passed away) power washed and wow! They came out looking brand new! We had a new front and back walk put in and it looks fantastic! Next step is de-cluttering,and throwing things away followed by painting, cleaning the garage, and putting in a new master bath vanity and sink. <br />
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The nice thing about blogging is that I can talk about whatever is on my mind ;-). We are in this fantastic school district, but I don't think it's fantastic for the energy machine. I think she would do a lot better in a place that has less pressure, smaller classes, and more 1 on 1 teacher time. This district is all about SAT scores and going to college. It's a 15 minute commute for my husband which is why we live here, but it is an area with high taxes so we can't do private school. Actually we purposely moved somewhere so we wouldn't have to do private school but that was before the strong willed wonder came along and we had no idea we would have a child with ADD or ADHD. Now my parents have offered to pay for private school, and there is one I like. There is actually one that is for kids who have ADHD, but I haven't chosen that one since I don't thing she is very severe.<br />
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Maybe 1st grade will be better than kindergarten? Hopefully. I keep worrying about it. She has a <a href="http://www.greatschools.org/gk/articles/section-504-2/">504 Plan</a> that involves outlets for her energy and such. Hopefully it won't be obvious and the other children won't notice. Hopefully the other parents won't notice or judge. All I have to do is think about the upcoming school year and I feel queasy. Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33641979.post-80976482072482501152015-07-28T14:23:00.002-04:002015-07-28T14:23:48.471-04:00sighWell, it would seem that depression rears it's ugly head on a regular basis. A call is has been placed for therapy. I don't seem to be able to get a handle on dealing with all the things I worry about or are anxious about. I exercise, meditate, have hobbies, take time for myself,and take an anti-depressant yet I am Ms. Negative and I keep talking to myself about positive. BE positive! No wonder you're having difficulty making friends. Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33641979.post-9730319167954449742015-07-19T17:25:00.000-04:002015-07-19T17:25:08.078-04:00Still looking for zen...Am I unhappy? No. Am I a happy camper? eh, occasionally. Yesterday we went out to dinner with the MIL and we got in a fight on the way home. It's an hour and half drive. MIL has a variety of medical issues. She has been in remission from lymphoma for 10 years which is fantastic. However, she has been left with myodysplasia and is going to University of Pennsylvania where they have a cancer treatment center and she is looking into a bone marrow transplant. That BTW is where my MS clinic is. We live in suburbs, but about 17 miles away. I take the train. Anyway, DH is very stressed about work, his mom, moving, and we got in a big fight yesterday. He told me to "shut up" and I haven't spoken to him since yesterday in the car. That's a long time to sit in the car in silence. <br />
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I think he got angry at me because I wasn't thrilled that his mom is coming to the mountain house with us. We're going for 2 weeks and I just learned she is coming for 5 days. I did know she was coming, but that was longer than I anticipated so I wasn't very excited. I said it was fine, but last time she came she spent the whole time asking me where everything was and I felt like I had to entertain her. I think he thought I was being selfish, and I didn't mean for my feelings to come across that way. I understand she she is very fatigued a lot so, she's a widow, and doesn't have the energy or living friends anymore to go on a vacation. I also understand that we'll have to have an in-law suite in our next house and she gets on both of our nerves. I also understand that my husband is an only child. And I understand that I'll get a part-time job, volunteer somewhere or lose my mind with her around. <br />
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I told the 6 year old that I was going to the YMCA this morning and left a note. Then I wandered around the mall for a bit. When came back he and DD went out. When they returned I asked him if he was ready to talk to me now and he said the I always talk no matter what. I never shut up. Ok. My best friend is left for vacation with family, my mom and dad are at the mountain house with friends, and my other aquaintances are away. LONELY! Making mom friends is hard and sucks. Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33641979.post-83491622900444225272015-07-11T12:46:00.002-04:002015-07-11T12:46:48.183-04:00Summer! Whew!Summer! Reading camp for the little one, she likes it a lot. When I asked, the teacher told me they were incorporating social skills like not yelling ;-)...using an inside voice and other things that we know are an issue. She BTW goes to social skills class 1x a week an will be going to social skills camp for a week this summer in August. She is doing A LOT better. <br />
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She moved up a level in her swim lessons. She LOVES swimming! We are working on our house. We just had the front and back power washed and it looks great! Next up, pointing the stones and bricks along with new walkways in the front and back yard. AND getting mature trees trimmed a LOT. I don't think I would ever buy a house with mature trees again. Especially since the weather is just getting so funky and so MANY trees are coming down. We have a mature ash in the front yard and it has been dropping large heavy branches. Ugh! It's expensive too! <br />
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One by one, my acquaintances have joined the very pricey local swim club. We went there yesterday as a guest and, yes, it was nice, but not three thousand dollars nice when the one I go to is an equal distance away and offers 2 pools and 10% off in their farmers market. It was three hundred dollars not three thousand. Sigh... Peer pressure. I'm putting if off for as long as I can.<br />
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MIL is looking into having a bone marrow transplant which is which is why we're doing the home improvements. She would like to have the work done at the university hospital by us (where I go) and that means we will have her staying here, we'll be moving at at earlier date than we planned, or that we'll need to by a house with an in-law suite. AAARGH! So many things are unknown. Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33641979.post-43053117163714932712015-06-15T16:48:00.001-04:002015-06-15T16:48:41.368-04:00Day 3Ok, so my husband got sick last week. According to the doctor some sort of contagious virus. Once he went to the doctor, he began the road to healthy. I on the other hand was on child duty. The little one and and I spent 2 days at the pool and today at a jumping place followed by chi.ck fil a. I am one tired mom and this is only day 3? Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33641979.post-74552033407733420612015-06-12T18:36:00.001-04:002015-06-12T18:36:35.271-04:00Report CardI downloaded the little ones report card. We don't get hard copies, we log on to a website, and I printed it into a PDF file. Yes, she has improved, and yes it says what she still needs assistance with. I have such a hard time not getting defensive and pissy since she's my daughter. Yes, I see the flaws, but I found myself irritated when this morning at her conference her teacher said she did far better this year that she expected her to. Do you know how often a neurologist has said that to me after a relapse? And it pissed me off because it had never occurred to me that I would not recover or wouldn't get better just like it doesn't occur to me that the SWW won't learn how to do school. Her teacher also said that when she saw her IEP from pre-school she thought OH NO what kind of kid was put into my class, and my daughter turned out to be a pleasure to have in class. I guess I'm just grumbling here because I'm feeling lonely. <br />
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My husband has a virus and he is the most annoying sick person. At least this time he went to doctor, last time he kept saying he would recover and he did not so it turned into bronchitis. This time it's some sort of contagious virus that is going around and the doctor wanted to know if he was sleeping in be with me. He said that he had been sleeping downstairs. Yippee for me, which meant the little one took it as a prime opportunity to sleep in my bed (sigh). I wanted time to myself. Not to do anything particular, just read and go to sleep.<br />
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And we missed our time period to have the MIL move here. She's getting worse and worse health wise, and more and more anxious. I would like to move into a different style house, but can we afford to move? The taxes in the township where we live are pricey! Sigh, I guess I'm just feeling whiney. It's super hot, and I can't really do much outside. Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33641979.post-12616902051834595142015-06-12T15:56:00.002-04:002015-06-12T15:56:37.894-04:00And we have a kindergarten graduate!Wow! The last of day of kindergarten! This fall I'll have a FIRST grader! I can't believe it! We met with her teacher and went over everything. She does have some issues with having to be redirected, but when I found out over what sort of things I wasn't that worried. We were able to write down what we needed to work on this summer. She actually said that the SWW did better than she had expected. Not sure if I'm insulted or not. I've heard that from neurologists, where they said I recovered far more quickly than they thought I ever would. Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33641979.post-66440751501568979362015-06-10T17:02:00.002-04:002015-06-10T17:02:54.309-04:00Summer is here!Oh my goodness. The school year ends this FRIDAY! Bye Bye alone time. Welcome mommy/daughter time. A lot of things are ending for her so I do feel sorry or her. Her kindergarten complement program which is an after kindergarten program she takes with the kids she went to pre-school with. She has a lot of friends there, and loves the kids there. She hasn't really made any friends in kindergarten. She also loves her teacher, and will have deal with a new teacher along with a full day program. So she'll start school at 8:30 and end around 3 or 4. I'd like to get a part-time job, don't know where to go for 15-20 hours a week with flexibility during school breaks. I don't want to work for a day care or anything like that. <br />
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Overall life is good. I did all the doctors appointments today. Mammogram done and good results which is always a little nerve wracking since my mom and grandmother had breast cancer. I got the testing done for the cancer gene. Don't know if I'll regret it or not, but I'd like to take birth control pills for control of the monthly hellion and birth control pills can a positive or negative in that area and the results will help direct me. <br />
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And the ADHD thing. Do we do testing with a behavioral pediatrician, a pediatric neurologist, or a pediatric psychiatrist? I have not idea what is best. We went to a behavioral pediatrician before and have another appointment in July so I'm hoping she will be able to give us some direction. I do not want meds yet. The only med I think would be useful is a med to help her sleep. Since her mood and sleep are so closely linked. She is a very anxious kid. Hence she worries and does not always sleep well at night. We do give her melatonin at night and that helps, but she waked up in the middle of the night. I do too so I feel her pain. 3am wake up for me means I do a guided meditation and try to fall back to sleep. Most of the time I'm successful. <br />
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And moving. Well, we had planned on doing a MIL suite, but her health is going down hill, we missed out window. We would still like to move to a different house, but we will have to move to a different area because the taxes here are high. My MS health has been great so the steps aren't causing me any issues or anything, but we would like a different style house. Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0