Rambling

Well, the SWW seems to be holding her own at kindergarten.  She is so socially/emotionally immature that I worry.  She seems to like that the class is so fast paced and is learning so many new things.  I personally have decided that if she is still struggling when she gets older, I will push to move to an area w/lower taxes.  Where we currently live is beautiful, but high taxes, all for the good schools.  To my amazement she's going to learn to read this year, how to form sentences, punctuation, and the new math which we have no clue about.  My husband feels very disgruntled about it saying he's an aeros.pace engineer, with a masters degree, he had better be able to do this "new math".  I suck at math so I have been quiet about it.  I had enough difficulty with the online book reading, and figuring that out.

I also noticed that everyone in the area seems to have a lot of money, high paying jobs, or they live in debt so they can drive a Lexus or a BMW.  We on the other hand do not.  Now my parents did well financially, and by this point their life (and my dad who is very savvy with the stock market) I guess you would say that are wealthy.   So you would think I wouldn't be intimidated by it, but I am.  I have MS, and I have a child who is oppositional.   Having to fight so hard and often with your kid can somehow make you feel like  you are the worst mom in the world.  I left my job to be a stay at home mom, treat me like that I wonder why?  and it if it was worth it since it has hurt my self esteem, and brought out anxiety, and tension.  Those things leave me feeling a bit insecure.  I've been told over and over how attractive I am, but I don't believe.  Hmm...  Somehow life's circumstances can take a lot away from you as a person.  I would love to go back to that happy laid back person I was before MS, before IF, before adoption struggles. How do I get that person back?  I do know I'm going to get a part time job when the SWW starts first grade, and that might help.  I also know that I should find a hobby or interest, but so far I haven't come across anything.