B & M

So the big deal job thing for my husband.  He did not get it.  I am frustrated on a number of levels.

• My husband has worked for this company for 15 years, and has gotten exceeds expectations on EVERY annual review.  Even in the last 5 years when I had a relapse and we adopted our daughter.  BTW, it's been over 5 years since my last relapse :-).  He still "exceeded expectations".  Pretty grand, huh?  For the past 3 years they have been dangling carrots that lead him to believe if he carries out certain job responsibilities he'll get promoted to the next level.
• Each level has a salary grade beginning as a level 1
• Anyway, a number of years ago he tried to get this prestigious status within the company and was not successful.  This year, his 2nd level manager approached him and asked him to apply.  Apparently 10% of engineers at his level that work the same type of of job could achieve this company status.  He "passed" the 10% mark w/in his local branch but he had to fall w/in that 10% at all the other company branches and we learned yesterday he did not.  
• Now there is no 10% marker for those above his level and they have been unwilling or possibly unable to promote him to the next level.  My point?  Would he have gotten this company status which is a BIG DEAL like having tenure at a college if he had been the next level so there wouldn't have been that 10% issue.
• Last year at raise time they told him they were unable to promote him to the next level because currently there are to many employees at that level so he has to wait for people to retire.  By that point I was beginning to think it was a bunch of bull and they were giving him the run around.  He's a pretty mellow dude who is not one to brag about himself or anything.  And they did lay offs a few months ago, did they offer a golden ticket to any of those older employees? Nope, they laid off recent hires.  Guys who had only been employees for a year or two.  My point?  If you're trying to save money, there are a lot of significantly older employees filling that level what would have been a better way to save?  Now my husband is 42, and as it happens there are not many who fall into his age bracket, but there are heck of a lot who are in their late 60s and 70s.  They didn't at the branch where my husband works, but other branches asked people to retire and offered a retirement package.  
• Anyway, now I'm just complaining because he's working his ass off, and as Jerry MacGuire would say they are not showing him the money, or promoting him so he could apply for this in company prestigious description.  
• I keep wondering, if he keeps getting his annual salary increase how long until it is at the point where he is at the line that marks the next level?   Would that force them to promote or would they not give him a decent salary increase?  Not even cost of living because even cost of living adds up.
• Now my husband is even more depressed and he won't do anything to help himself.  It pisses me off.  I suggested that he apply to other companies and  find out what he's worth.  Not leave his current job, but check to see what else is out there.  I keep telling him that often that is how you increase your salary.  You get a job at another company, but he is afraid.  
• So, my health condition, our daughter with ODD (who is doing great and improving, but it's been me who has gotten all the services), his father passed away in a hit and run car accident a few years ago (driver eventually went to jail), his godmother from the church who he grew up with an called grandmother who found a young man who was willing to kiss her butt and she left all her money, 1.3 million dollars to him, we ended up with 12,000 (nice it will get us a new front door) and I think we only got that because she had purchased government bonds in his name and there was no way to change that.  I could go on and on about that but I won't share the sickening details of this terrible money hungry guy who befriended a 96 year old woman with specific goal.  
• My husband is not doing anything to help himself.  Given all the crap that has happened he has become depressed, won't go to a therapist, won't take medication (I got him to go to a psychiatrist and he hated Z.olof because it made him sleepy and gain weight, but is no anti-meds), and finally won't do anything to help himself now that that he didn't get this in company prestigious mark.

I'm sure you can guess that I'm frustrated, and don't know how to help him since I am the opposite. When it comes to something going wrong in my life, I research and figure any possible way I can help the situation.  For example, when I learned I have MS what did I do?  After therapy, and leaving graduate school since my brain had become swiss cheese (I recovered, but it took years and I'm still not that same girl intelligence wise), I knew I could not control the health condition.  BUT, what I can do is to do everything within my power to keep myself healthy.  So I exercise, eat well (currently trying to follow a whole foods type diet), go to a therapist, and when I got down in the dumps about possibly having to leave the East Coast I switched my anti-depressant because I was a mess about having to leave this area.

I guess I'm not sure how to convince him to get help.  I can encourage him to exercise more frequently, to make plans to golf with friends, but will that help his depression that sprouted about 3 years ago?  I'll probably ask my therapist for ideas when I see her on Monday (sigh).

Time to read books and get the SWW into bed.  BTW, that's another thing I took charge of and accomplished even though I'm the one w/the fatigue issue.